proudlywehailed | Drift Fleet: IC Inbox

I was okay. You didn't have to -

[He cuts himself off by starting to pace a bit, hand lifting to press his fingers to his forehead.]

You could've just asked. I would've told you I was okay. I want -

[And again he stops himself, this time to face Orion with a deep scowl.]

That information was top secret. I was trusted to keep it that way! And if there's one thing I'm damn good at, it's keeping secrets that are important to me and whoever's trusting me with it!

[But, picking up on where he cut himself off...]

You didn't have to go poking in my head to see if I was okay! I want you to trust me! Not - Not break mine just to see what was going on!

[orion just lets him go. he makes no moves to stop him in his venting, because he knows just how right he is. This isn't a mission, he can't just go gathering information behind people's backs like that. not the important stuff. it wasn't his business.

[it stings the most when he tells him he broke clay's trust. he keeps eye contact any time is sought out of respect, until the end of that line. then his eyes cast down.]

... You're right. I should have trusted you. Instead, I've just... Made a mess of things. It was my choice to pry, and I should have known better.

[Honestly, that's one of the things that makes him the most upset. He hates that his secret is out, but he also hates that he wasn't trusted, and something that clearly told Orion to stay away was ignored just to get the information he wanted. Everyone who entered the calibration was trusted to not touch the cold, black locks, and yet one of the ones Clay least expected to do so...

Clay stops looking at him too, crossing his arms once more and turning his head away with a scowl still on his face.]

Yeah, you should have. But you didn't, and you made your choice, so there's nothing we can do to change that except acknowledge it and move on.

[He looks back at him now, the scowl not quite as deep, but still there.]

Okay, your turn.

[he's quiet for a very, very long time, here. he doesn't know how to say what he needs to say, and knows he doesn't deserve to.]

... None of this is an excuse.

[he wants to announce, at least, that he knows that.]

There isn't one. I didn't think it through. I pushed too much at Natasha, too.

[he looks back up at clay, finally.]

... I don't get the chance to keep anything good in my life. That's not what I'm alive for. But being in the fleet gives me the chance to hold onto some things. I couldn't keep Misha here, and I.. [he shakes his head, closing his eyes.]

I was afraid. Legitimately terrified. If I could take back what I saw, I promise, I would. But because of my own actions, all I can say is that I won't tell anyone, and that you have every right to walk away from me and ignore the fact that I'm here.

[And... he sighs at that, head ducking from the force of it.]

Stop it. Stop talking like that.

[He takes a step forward then, then reaches out to grip Orion's shoulder.]

One thing like this isn't going to ruin everything. Yes, I'm mad, but that doesn't mean you're not my friend anymore, okay?

... Still doesn't change the fact that you'd be justified.

[there's nothing orion hates more than feeling vulnerable. having an open back is a surefire way to die in his line of work. he applies the same logic to his friendships; the two have never been apart until now.]

I'm not trying to guilt you. I'm trying to be honest.

And I appreciate that. All I want from anyone is trust and honesty.

[He tightens his grip on his shoulder a bit, then pulls his hand back to cross his arms again, one eyebrow raised.]

And you know you can expect honesty from me, so when I say you're still my friend? You're still my friend. I'm glad you understand that what you did hurt, and I'm glad you're not going to tell anybody.

[One hand moves up in a fist to lightly bump his chest - yes okay there's your punch]

So let's work on moving forward, okay? I forgive you. So none of your self-deprecating stuff. You're Orion and you're just fine.

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